Expectations of gender in teenagers

While all the young boys

Talked about fiddling with themselves,

Normalising it.

We could be branded as a durty slut

If we openly admitted to it.

Or made feel totally ashamed

You never even tried

To do it yourself.

We were told to

Keep our legs closed

Or boys wouldn’t respect us.

That’s probably why we

We have so little for them now.

It was all about the boys really.

We were to police them

To tell them no as if we didn’t want it too

To tell them where our eyes were

And tell them when to use a johnny

Because they wouldn’t if we didn’t.

We are told what to wear

So men won’t leer at us

And if we don’t adhere to the strict dress code

We were asking for it.

We can’t wear thongs under our clothes

Because it would give them the wrong idea

Even before they see it.

We were given rules

Don’t be a slut

But you need sexual experience.

Don’t be a prude,

Or dress like an aul wan.

We are intended to be both

Virginal and sexual

And put clothes and makeup

For the attention of men.

We are to always be on alert to ward men off.

This is the self-serving duplicity

Of the patriarchy.

….

An ‘aul wan’ is an older woman, a sometimes derogatory term from Dublin.

I have a fetish for you

Is it a fetish

To want you to adore me?

To kiss my entire body

And tell me every

Minute detail about it

Is beautiful.

I heard somewhere that

Was an actual fetish.

I want you to shower me with

Words of affection

And not just piss.

They’re not mutually exclusive though

I mean

Find someone who can do both.

Self-respect.

My self respect

Is not around my ankles,

I’ve kicked it off.

With me knickers.

How fucking dare you equate

The number of people I’ve rode

With the level dignity I demand?

And what is the acceptable number

I should confine myself to

To make you happy?

How is it right that I could fuck one person twenty times

But to fuck twenty people all at once would be a disgrace?

Madeleine Minstrels

I’m havin’ a Madeleine moment

With this bag eh Minstrels.

Mad meditating over bygone days.

Havin a long stare off into fuck all.

Filled with thoughts of me holy communion.

I member

I took me massive little white gloves off

Me tiny little hands,

An I had an unchipped french manicure miracle all day.

Me ma did me nails the night before.

And I was delighted wi’ life

Sitting in the back of our navy Nissan

Goin’ around all dee aunties

Gettin’ told I was just

Bee-uuu-tee-ful.

I’m batting me eyelashins still.

And I knew it

I was massive.

This was the first time

I ripped a packet of Minstrels open,

And the paper glided

Like scissors on sexy chris’mas wrapping paper.

And sucked on one eh dem Minstrels

Until the heat of me mouth cracked their shell open.

Therewithin,

The soft, sweet, melted chocolate

Poured its insides out to me,

Like forbidden fruit or me first secret

On’ee I was allowed have dem.

This was me real holy communion.

Chocolate exposed itself to my tastebuds

And God,

I was alive for the first time.

This moment is deeply ingrained in my memory.

Like a Minstrels virgin!

Touched,

For the very first time.

High on life, and a

Rakeload of sugar.

I have seen the light

I thought to meself.

Holy God has blessed me

An’ now I know that

This is what the holy bread should taste like

Not that tasteless rubbish

That sticks to the top of your pallet

And you take ages trying to get it off wit your tongue

And give up and pull it off wit your finger instead

An your ma gives out to you

Tellin you

Holy God is watchin’ you!

Jesus was brown

So the body of Christ should be holy chocolate too!

Gimme the holy Minstrel!